The Snickers Popcorn Incident

Right now you are either thinking oh man, that sounds good, give me some Snickers Popcorn! Or, you are like, ew gross – what again!?

Why the heck am I talking about Snickers Popcorn? It is not so much about the snack as it is about what it symbolizes about our well meaning friends and family members. Let me go back a little bit . . .

This week/month/pandemic I have been feeling a bit “off” about my body image and number on the scale. Shorts that were once loose now fit a little snug, the scale has inched up a few pounds and has been stubborn about going down, and I just know I could do better. I can 100% tell you the culprits too: nighttime popcorn, going over my 2-3 yellow containers per day (servings of carbs), nibbles here, bites there, weekday wine. All those things I gave up for the most part . . . they have slowly crept back in over these past few months.

My hubs is well aware that I am in a season of icky feeling because he watched me go through pair upon pair of shorts the other night until I felt comfortable enough in my skin and we could go out to eat.

Then . . . we got to the restaurant where I was careful to order a dish with mostly veggies, I thoughtfully decided to splurge on the lightly fried calamari and treat that as my yellow container (hey, the kids need to try calamari!), and had already made peace that I would ignore the bread basket. When the bread basket came out — beautifully steamy and glistening in butter — I was sad . . . for maybe .2 seconds. I was even less sad when my son exclaimed “Mom, you can’t eat this — it has a lot of garlic!” (I am weirdly crazy sensitive to garlic and it makes me beyond ill) and I felt RELIEF. Right away that bread basket held NO appeal for me. Whatsoever. I feel really sick when I eat those kinds of garlic foods folks. Even typing about it now, I can smell it and it makes me feel sick.

But then. My wonderful well-meaning hubs called over the server and asked for bread with no garlic butter on it and looked at me with beautiful loving eyes full of pride (ok, I might be exaggerating that a bit). What did I feel? Annoyed. Anger. Frustration. How can my husband of 11 years not KNOW me!! Didn’t he remember how I felt just 20 minutes ago? Didn’t he see how I carefully chose my treat as calamari fritto? Didn’t he see the relief pour over me as I realized I wouldn’t have an internal battle with the damn bread basket all through dinner? Didn’t he remember how I am making a blueberry pie for 4th of July weekend and I am saving up my treats for that deliciousness instead of the dumb bread basket!?

Then . . . when he told me I should THANK him . . . you can imagine my facial expressions . . . and the chilliness we both displayed at dinner. (Don’t worry we get over things fast and laugh). But when we get a little heated, oh are we ANNOYED!

In the heat of the moment, I believe I said something along the lines of “Wait a second, you want me to thank you for ordering something I don’t even want to eat and was trying to avoid eating and now I should be praising you for doing something I really didn’t want and is going to make me feel awful.”

His take? “Hon, I just wanted you to be able to eat the (damn) bread. I thought I was being nice.”

Me. “Yeah, but didn’t you see me order the calamari? And we are having blueberry pie this weekend and then you also bought that Snickers Popcorn!”

Yep – we are finally about to get to the Snickers Popcorn.

Earlier that day, I came home to find a HUGE bag of Snickers Popcorn on the kitchen counter after the hubs made a run to Sam’s Club. I was excited and annoyed all at once. I LOVE popcorn! SkinnyPop, LesserEvil Buddha Bowl Himalayan Pink, Kettle Corn, and don’t get me started when they start drizzling it with dark chocolate during the holidays! I love popcorn so much I know I cannot keep it in the house if I am trying to be “dinner and done” at night. I don’t eat just a handful either. If I am going down with popcorn, I am going down . . .

Snickers Popcorn though . . . hmm . . . this presents a new challenge. And I know myself . . . with that in the house, there is no way it will stop calling my name until I at least try the damn popcorn.

Ok, back to the well-meaning hubs before I tell ya about the Snickers Popcorn.

In retrospect, he was doing what any well-meaning person would do. I am guessing he thought to himself, ah man, she can’t have any bread. I LOVE bread. Everyone should have bread! This is the whole reason we came to this place so we could have unlimited breadsticks and salad (Basta Pasta in Fallston). She needs some bread quick or else her dinner will be ruined! Absolutely ruined! Quick! Save my wife and bring her some non-garlic-ee bread so she can enjoy too!

We are obviously on different planets and he clearly does not hear my inner monologue of . . . Ok, I am going to have the calamari here and I will not eat that damn popcorn tonight. Why did he buy that!? Doesn’t he know I had planned on indulging this weekend with a few more drinks, blueberry pie, ribs, and doesn’t he see me eating this calamari right now? And man oh man why is the calamari heavily coated and not lightly coated and oh crap I really shouldn’t be having gluten at all – why did I order this anyway. Wait, did I just hear him right? He just ordered bread. For me? Why the freak do I want to eat that!? I rather wait until this weekend and have my pie!

So, what do we do? Where do we go from here?

Me? Next time I could simply say, “Thanks hon but I am so full!” or “Thanks hon, but I really don’t think I am in the mood for it — why don’t you let the server know she can garlic it up for you?”

Him? Next time he could say “Hey hon, do you want me to order some bread without the garlic?”

You? Yes you come into play here too. If you offer someone a drink or treat and they decline, let them decline. If you know they ate ice-cream earlier that day and now aren’t eating your pie and you feel sad about it and don’t understand why one and not the other, realize that perhaps they planned out that ice-cream and now they are done with treats for the day. Maybe they are on a mission you don’t know about. Maybe they don’t like pie. But, it is their choice what they put in their mouth. Not yours.

You. Your food journey is yours alone. You do not have to eat food you don’t want or that is foisted upon you. However. It will go a heck of lot more smoothly if you can learn from me. Decline with grace. Understand the well-meaning intent behind the offers. No one is out to get you. You are in the driver’s seat. Remember that.

Ok ok . . . the Snickers Popcorn. We broke it out last night. The Hubs did ASK me before he opened it. I agreed and told him he could so long as he poured some into a bowl before he brought it to the couch. And I tried one bite . . . it was AWFUL. NASTY. NOT GOOD. One bite and I wanted to run and spit it out. It just tasted like chemicals. I am praising GOD that that shi* is nasty. Beyond nasty. (Sometimes our prayers are answered in weird ways).

Now . . . about that blueberry pie recipe . . .

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